Always the Last to Bed

When I was in grade school I had posters of Ricky Schroeder and Michael Jackson on my walls. Maybe you did, too. Or maybe it was New Edition in their snazzy fits, or NSYNC and their super cute hair. And if you were a kid now, it might be BTS. The world’s most famous and prolific group- with billions of sales, millions of streams and views. As I’ve been learning about this group through my daughter and growing to respect them a great deal, I can’t help but think — what would it be like to be their Mom???

Imagine- your son is a member of one of the most loved musical groups the modern world has ever known. His group contributes more than US$4.65 billion EACH YEAR to your nation’s economy (or 0.3% of the country’s GDP)- source, Wikipedia (SBS News, 2019 & 2020). He’s a millionaire and you are immensely proud of him, he’s accomplished more than your wildest dreams could have ever imagined- 20 times over. He has traveled to more countries than you can think of, met Presidents, celebrities, is a luxury brand spokesperson, has been featured on so many TV shows and awards shows you lost count, and has been awarded your country’s top honors for his cultural contributions. His cultural contributions! Not just for his singing or dancing. Truly unbelievable. A fantastic whirlwind. No one could have predicted this. Not you, not his Father, not his Grandparents. Not even the entire country of South Korea.

The entire country celebrates his birthday. In fact, it is an official national holiday on his birthday. The face you wiped clean as a small child and kissed while sleeping in his crib, is now all grown up, and plastered all over the subway, in live motion video 30 feet wide, and on posters hung up all over South Korean cities to wish him happy birthday on his special day. He doesn’t even get to see the signs and posters though, as he left home as a young teen and you can count the times on your hands since he’s slept in his bedroom since then. Girls scream and faint at the sight of him. He has a dog but the only way he can peacefully walk it is if he leaves his house in disguise.

And now he’s joined the military to serve his required 18 months for your country, as every South Korean male does. He giving up stardom for almost 2 years. You fall asleep praying for his safety every night. All you want to do is give him a hug, make him some food, see him sitting at your table, have a real conversation- find out how he’s handling all of the things he’s carrying through life. Sometimes you look at social media and see very creative videos his fans make of him, some make you laugh because he and the other guys in the group are so silly, and some make you tear up because they’re so beautiful, and you miss him. The amount of love you feel for him is larger than the love these fans can fathom, because you’re his Mom.

When my daughter became a BTS fan in 2020 during Covid, I thought oh great, they’re like a cult! I’ve heard of those crazy fans. One time I heard a girl tried to deliver a poisoned pizza to a group member and the BTS fan group the “Army” found out who the evil fan was and where she lived, and she was arrested. You see, the BTS “Army” fan group is one part detective and one part fan. Then I remembered the Ricky Schroeder posters. The poster of Michael Jackson in his red jacket and shiny glove. And I remembered my Dad’s face when he first saw the posters- I went through these phases. All of this is a rite of passage- to love musicians growing up and stare at their posters in your room and giggle when you see a funny video of them is completely 100% normal. Then I thought OK, BTS is just a normal “boy band” that my Gen Z kid would have a crush on, she will move on soon.

But I was wrong. Way wrong. BTS is more than a boy band. And it is now 4 years later and she still loves them and is a card-carrying “Army” member (at $30/year). And now I am an Army too. She has converted me! What I have come to realize is that BTS has created a very respectful, protected and important bond with their fans. It is nothing short of GENIUS. They have used their talent to give their fans hope, kindness, and love with their lyrical and visual stories. A lot of this has to do with when they came of age, when they became popular, and who they are as people. I have felt compelled to write about this because I have been amazed as an “Army” Mom. And yes I’m a regular 50 yr old Mom from Ohio, I swear! If you don’t believe me, read my previous posts about trying to pick up a prescription at Walgreens or relax in the Mom Lot…LOL

One the BTS members, J-Hope, starts every conversation with fans saying “I’m your hope, you’re my hope. I’m J-Hope.” Hope? When was the last time you saw a global music star hang his hat on “Hope”?? And J-Hope LIVES THIS- everyday. Every video and concert he is SMILING and spreading hope. He speaks of hope in interviews. He is dedicated to hope. For more than 10 years now, he has been spreading hope through his actions, words, songs, and smiles.

One can argue that lots of hope is spread at Taylor Swift and Beyonce concerts and Harry Styles tours. And I agree. We are lifted up each time we attend a live concert. But for more than 10 years…these 7 BTS members have been consistent with these messages. And this is just one example of their humility, dedication and of their kindness. And their genius.

Let’s talk about talent for a moment. Last year, my daughter wanted to see their movie, “BTS: Yet to Come” in the theater. The tickets were $40 each (immediate thoughts: ugh so expensive- not worth it!), and when we arrived, there were plenty of typical young female fans huddled together with their BTS concert light sticks waiting for the show. But what surprised me was that I also saw women (older than me) sitting alone in the theater too, and groups of older women wearing BTS T shirts, and some even with their husbands. I was skeptical- exactly who are these fans? How does a 55 year old woman who looks like she just walked out of her C-Suite office, put on a BTS T shirt and go to a movie by herself?? After the movie started, I could see why. I was wowed. BTS group members are tireless, dedicated, perfectionists and talented beyond normal- they are experts at both dancing AND singing. And at the SAME TIME. This is going to sound lame, but honestly I had no idea that they really sang as they are dancing. I always thought, there’s no way they’re actually singing! I thought it was fake. But nope. REAL. They dance in full suits, sweaters and jackets- and exhaust themselves so much that they collapse afterwards. Most of all, they are dedicated to giving everything and performing their best specifically for their fan base- the “Army”. Afterwards I had nothing but respect. Reality check: yes, I am still a “regular” Mom from Ohio with two yappy dogs, a Toyota Highlander, and I drink mimosas, shop at Sam’s Club and wear Adidas.

I also have respect for them because they are humble beyond belief. If they aren’t like that in real life, then their management has really pulled a huge one over on the world and I am being duped. Their humbleness and humility comes out in their behind-the-scenes videos and fan videos. Before my daughter had social media, she would use my Instagram and TikTok to search for their videos and now I’m forever on the BTS algorithm whether I like it or not. I don’t think I will ever escape. One of the videos that moved me the most and is the reason why I started this blog post, was a fan video where a BTS member kneels down on stage in front of his parents (who are in the concert audience), bows and starts crying. Unsure of the exact specifics of the situation, but fans understand it to be him paying respect to his parents. These boys are humble. How humble you must be to bow, kneel and cry as you respect your parents, in front of thousands of your fans at a concert. I have never seen another global celebrity do this. It struck me. This did not seem fabricated, scripted or controlled.

BTS’s popularity exploded during 2019 and then Covid hit and I think this has to do something with the connection their fans feel. They were topping charts just at the time when they and their fans were at their most vulnerable and at a time when the world was vulnerable. Their songs, videos, lives, TV shows, movies, concerts, were a source of safety, consistency, hope and love. This relationship they created with their fan base runs deep because of this important connection. So deep, that one time one of the members fell asleep during one of their “lives” (when they go live on social media and talk to their “Army” fans), and 6 million people stayed on the live while he slept — 6 million! For 45 minutes they watched him do nothing but sleep!

Now, 5 years after the height of the group’s popularity, all seven boys are in the military- fulfilling their country’s requirement to serve, like every other South Korean boy. As a mom, I feel for caring and creative Jimin- and wonder how’s he’s doing in such a seemingly un-creative environment?! And J-Hope- will they let him smile in the military? And Jin, will his fellow soldiers take WorldWide Handsome seriously? I am not worried about Yoongi, he is filing paperwork and can kick the crap out of anyone if he needed to. So can JungKook. As a mom I am not even going to talk about his 6 pack, but you can come over and see it for yourself on the life-size replica of him in my daughter’s room! RM will fit right into the military lifestyle. He’s probably enjoying reading manuals and living by the book. Lastly, Tae is very daring and he has a good head on his shoulders, so I am not really worried about him. I think all of these boys are probably getting a well-deserved break from dancing and singing 24/7 and being “on” all the time. Plus, they’re getting three meals a day, lots of fan letters, and have lots of time to plan their comeback. And I’m sure their Moms are counting down the days until they are done with their service and can’t wait to see them again. As I’m writing this, the oldest, Jin (31 years), will be done with his military service in 57 days…I wonder what his Mom is planning to make him for his first meal back at home????