Always the Last to Bed

No one ever tipped me off that having a baby girl would actually be in fact giving birth to an opportunity to relive my entire life as a girl, a teen, and a human. I remember feeling like I already knew what it was like to be a little girl, and that I could picture her in plenty of pink clothes, playing dolls, and taking dance classes. And later, reading books, makeup, heels, boys, cliques and girlfriends. And of course temper tantrums. Man, I was a bad kid sometimes! But I didn’t know. I actually had no clue about what was going to happen. I didn’t know how profound it would be to bring another soul into the world who already has their own destiny charted, and I am just a guide on their journey. I didn’t know that each time she would start a new phase in life, it would also be like I was starting a new phase. And each phase were all parts of her very own path. And I would be learning. Learning so much!

Like when she started high school. I thought I knew about high school. Turns out, I did not know about high school. What I mean is, I did not know about high school in the 2020’s. High school has changed a lot, and I learned to be open about my thinking of “high school”. Her experience in high school was not the same as mine, but they were similar. Her experiences had me reliving it all over again. I was reliving the heated discussions with girl friends about who was driving to the dance and what time to pick everyone up and still be there on time, reliving the free feeling of attending an outdoor summer concert on an 80 degree warm breeze evening, listening to her talk about the fun friend she met in study hall that repeated her name 29 times in one conversation, and how they’re going thrifting later. Similar, but not the same.

As a Gen X Mom, I admit I’d always find myself trying to poke holes in the plans with my worst case scenarios from my past life catalogue- are the parents home? How old is Kate’s car? Drop a pin at your parking spot so you can find your way back after the concert! I did this because we Genxers know all about all the bad sh&t that can happen- because we lived it! Or we saw it happen to someone else. Thank goodness there was no internet back then, or blogs, but all the “watch-outs” are engrained in my brain because they “could happen.” But I couldn’t predict all the things that happened, the amazing times and the bad times. All of it.

It has been a true blessing to relive all of the milestones and the big teenage rites of passage – and the small ones too. I loved seeing what choices she made, how she was different from me, and how there was no “standard” way to do grade school and high school.

Fall of Freshman year was a breeze, full of happiness, smiles and new discoveries- new friends, excitement on the daily. Then Spring of Freshman year came with Covid, and everyone was sent home with 3 months of school left. Even though the excitement stopped, new paths were being chartered with online learning, group friend Instagram lives (there was no Group FaceTime yet), and lots of time spent outdoors with friends on the weekends. I’ve always told her God has great plans for you, You were meant to do great things! And this did not stop, as uncertain I was about our health and future, I always said- you will do great things- even from home!

Sophomore year was completely online and then we were back at it Junior and Senior year- in person, reliving all the things, feeling all the feels of Friday night Homecoming football games, earning her letter from tennis and wearing her letter jacket for the first time, and working her winter job at the slushy and salty ski resort. All new things, things I never did and I did not know about. Who would have known that life would give me a second chance. A second chance to experience all these great times, learn about all these new things, but then also be reminded that teenage years go faster than any other. It was a second chance to observe all the wonders of truly living. Living through the eyes of a child who was experiencing things for the first time. And for that I am so thankful!