Always the Last to Bed

Welcome to being a Mom of a Teen. There will be plenty of events where you are an innocent bystander to the active life your kid is leading. By the time your teen reaches 19, you will be an expert in ambiguity. A Queen of questioning. A thought leader of clouds.

Where is the party? Who will be there? Are their parents home? These are questions you ask and may or may not get answers to. Like I said, Queen of Questioning. Parenting a teen is just like letting your child walk around alone in the wild. It feels like your heart has left your body and it’s walking around alone. At Midnight. In the forest.

It all starts with driving them to all the awesome places they want to go but you wait in the car. Bring a book, start a blog or begin knitting. It will come in handy. In the parking lot of a haunted house (Mom, don’t leave in case it’s too scary!), while they’re at dinner on homecoming night (Mom, we’re running late, just wait in the parking lot!) Really, on any day where you just can’t “drop them off”. You’re happy to do this, don’t get me wrong. It feels good to help your teen hang out with friends and do things. But some nights you can’t help but feel like a chauffeur. And you have more questions. How long will you be in the haunted house? Where does Ava live? How many kids am I picking up? How much money do you need? And again, you might get answers. Might not!

Then they turn 16 and start driving and you’re free! Free to what? Worry about them in a ditch someplace or getting attacked while walking to the car after work! I also have thoughts on this but we’ll cover that another day…

So you ask more questions. Where are you going? Do you have enough gas? Who will be there? Pretty soon after they start driving, you realize the questions are pointless but you ask them anyway. You’re just thankful to get some sort of answer even if it’s half truth, and that makes you feel good. After all, you still have your tracking app. Which isn’t always accurate. And doesn’t work if their phone battery is low.

Meet them where they’re at! This is the best advice a friend with older teens once gave me. But what does that mean? Number one, you have to understand where they’re at in order to meet them there. If you’re critical of your child’s path and pass judgement on what they’re doing then that’s not meeting them where they’re at. No judgements. Just listening. If they come alive at midnight and forage in the kitchen and sit down for a bowl of cereal then go there and be there with them. Physically but also mentally. Meet them where they’re at. Just ask how they are and sit and just listen. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out where they’re at. Discover their favorite musicians and listen to them too. Take a look around in their bathroom and their bedroom- but don’t be too nosy. Ask their friends questions when they’re over hanging out. This will also give you an idea of where they’re at. Seems simple but we all know how kids don’t want us in their rooms or their business! Oh, also, knock. There’s nothing wrong with knocking before entering. Gives everyone a heads up and better than barging in. Or not going in at all because you feel bad for barging in. Then just don’t barge.

And there you have it. A few tips about parenting a teen. I haven’t covered everything of course. I’m sure you still have questions!!!