Always the Last to Bed

Why did it take me so long to like this inspirational, classic holiday movie?

As a kid, my Mom would have it on TV every chance she could get. I absolutely love this movie! She would say.

Ugh, I would think. It’s black and white. Ugh, the main character talks weird. It’s soooo….old! I hated it, would walk out of the room while it was on, not understanding its importance and value. I couldn’t wait till it was over to watch something else.

That is, until I turned 50. One day it came on the TV while I was cleaning the living room. It reminded me of Mom, so I decided to leave it on. And I actually took a moment to pay attention. Then things started to click with me. The message of loving life. Of being thankful for friendship. True love. Angels. And family is everything. The loyalty of family. The loyalty in friendship. And another big message- hope and trust. Suddenly the old movie with messages I didn’t understand opened up to a whole new way to look at the movie.

Everyone recognizes the saying “every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings”. I’ve always heard this and liked it, but didn’t think much of it. But now of course it starts the waterworks when little Zuzu says this at the end of the movie. Little kids know everything! They understand more than we know 😭, Clarence is finally getting his wings….wahhh, you get the idea.

The movie means something more now, it connected with me on a new level. Nothing changed with the movie, it’s been the same loved story for many many years. What’s changed is me. I’ve changed. I’m seeing things differently now in my 50s. Maybe I’m giving things more of a chance. Or maybe my eyes are open a little wider now. Or maybe I just have more time to slow down and look around at the holidays with older kids. Its certainly easier to buy gifts from their self-made lists with links, predict our holiday schedule, and plan holiday event menus now that they’re older and don’t only eat nuggets and mac n cheese, and I might actually have time to sit down and watch a movie. Uninterrupted. This time was different because I was different and I allowed myself to take it all in, listen for all the connections in the storyline, and really pause and think about all the intentional words, facial expressions and symbolism.

Sometimes it feels like our years are measured by moments like this- survival mode of early motherhood where we don’t know if we’re coming or going; steady state (with surprises!) mode of tweens and teens where every day is different and then empty nest mode with kids in their 20s, which has its own challenges but is also the moments we’ve prayed for all those years wondering what it would be like when they’re all grown up.

I’ve loved it all and each one has changed me and how I see the world, and I guess even how I see movies! The world is full of Moms just trying to pay attention to movies and figure it all out. But do we ever??